The Hamtaro Love Triangle
by Roxius
Summary: Hamtaro wants to make Bijou his girlfriend, but he has to deal with Pashmina first! Warning: femmeslash, major Hamtaro bashing. HamtaroXBijouXPashmina.
1. Pashmina loves Bijou!

Hamtaro pretended he was sleeping as he waited for Laura to leave for school. Once she was gone, the little hamster escaped from his cage and took his usual route to the Ham-Ham clubhouse. 'I'm going to tell Bijou how I really feel!' Hamtaro thought as he slid down the pipe.

However, when he got to the clubhouse, he was in for a surprise. He saw Pashmina…. kissing Bijou on the lips! "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Hamtaro's mouth fell to the floor as he saw Bijou's face become red with embarrassment. Boss walked up to Hamtaro and said, "Scary, isn't it? Pashmina has been in love with Bijou for a while, and she couldn't help herself…" Hamtaro felt like crying, but he stopped himself and shouted, "NO, I WILL NOT LOSE BIJOU TO PASHMINA! I WILL MAKE BIJOU MINE!" Boss slowly edged away from Hamtaro. The golden hamster laughed manically as he thought up of a way to make Bijou his…

Not very long, but it's only the first chapter! Please R&R! Also, Hamtaro is going to be very OOC in this story, so….yeah.


	2. Hamtaro and the evil plan

Hamtaro was walking through the woods thinking about his plan when he ran into Maxwell and Dexter. "Hamtaro, what are you doing out here?" Maxwell asked. "If you're looking for your hentai mags, it was Maxwell who burned them! NOT ME!" Dexter exclaimed. Maxwell slapped Dexter in the back of the head and whispered, "We were supposed to keep that a secret!"

Hamtaro made a mental note to avenge his hentai mags as he said, "I'm trying to think of an evil plan to make Bijou my girlfriend! I WILL NOT LOSE HER TO THAT DUMB GAY PASHMINA!" "You know, Hamtaro, why don't you let Bijou decide who she wants to be with?" Dexter asked. Hamtaro slapped Dexter rapidly in a comedic fashion while screaming, "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

"I think I can help you, Hamtaro!" Maxwell replied. Hamtaro stopped beating up Dexter and looked at Maxwell with confusion. "Of course…" Maxwell continued, "I need payment…" Hamtaro looked through his pockets, but he didn't find anything. So he knocked out Dexter and took five sunflower seeds out of his pocket. Hamtaro put the seeds in Maxwell's hands and said, "Okay, Mr. M! Tell me what you got!"

Maxwell put a arm around Hamtaro and said, "You need to: A. seduce Pashmina/Bijou into loving you. B. Make Pashmina hate Bijou or C. Let Bijou decide!" Hamtaro scoffed and replied, "Well, it's obvious as hell that I ain't picking choice C! So, that leaves me with two choices, huh? Hmm…" While Hamtaro was thinking, Maxwell and Dexter snuck off because their friend was freaking the shit out of them.

Suddenly, Hamtaro had an idea. "I GOT IT! I'LL TALK TO PASHMINA FIRST!" Hamtaro quickly ran off to find Pashmina…

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! PLEASE R&R!


	3. Pashmina is MAD!

Pashmina was sitting on a rose, writing in her journal. Just as she was about to finish, a sunflower seed smacked her in the back of the head and she plummeted to the ground. "Ow." Pashmina rubbed her head and saw Hamtaro walking towards her. 'Oh, it's that dumbass Hamtaro again…' she thought.

Hamtaro helped Pashmina up and said, "So, Pash (his nickname for her)! I saw you kissin' Bijou today!" Pashmina blushed and she smiled at the mere mention of Bijou. Hamtaro looked at his nails and continued, "So tell me, exactly how much were you paid to kiss her?" Pashmina glared at Hamtaro and stammered, "W-What…?" She couldn't believe Hamtaro just asked her that! "I WASN'T PAID!" Pashmina shouted, "I REALLY DO LOVE HER!"

Hamtaro rolled his eyes and replied, "You sure? Cause I know that Bijou was disgusted by that kiss…" Pashmina just froze. 'She…thinks I'm disgusting?' Pashmina thought, tears swelling in her eyes. Hamtaro nodded and said, "Bijou has been in her room all day, crying. You really made her upset…"

Pashmina began shaking. She looked at her hands and thought, 'I…made her cry?' Hamtaro noticed how Pashmina was getting upset, and he laughed triumphantly in his mind. 'Just a bit more!' "She also says you're a dumb, retarded gay freak!" Hamtaro concluded. That was it. Pashmina ran off crying. She pushed Hamtaro down and streams of tears flew from her eyes.

Hamtaro got up and sneered. "Heh heh heh! Now that Pashmina thinks Bijou hates her, she won't make any more moves on MY girlfriend! Ha ha ha ha!" Meanwhile, Cappy was watching the entire thing from behind the bushes…

Later…

Pashmina was sitting on a log near the river, crying her eyes out. Suddenly, she heard a twig snap and she looked around. "W-Who's there?" she cried. Cappy walked out of a bush and replied, "It's me, Pashmina." Pashmina smiled and said, "Oh, Cappy. I haven't seen you for a while today…" Cappy blushed a bit and chuckled. He secretly liked Pashmina, but he knows that Pashmina likes Bijou. Of course, that doesn't mean Cappy would hurt his friends' feelings to get what he wants.

Cappy sat next to Pashmina on the log and comforted her. "It's okay, Pashmina. Bijou never said any of those things…" said the little cap-wearing hamster. Pashmina's tear-filled eyes looked at Cappy and she said, "S-She didn't s-say those things? H-How do you know?" Cappy sighed and began to explain about Hamtaro's evil plot. "WHY THAT F---IN' BITCH! I'LL KILL HIM!" Pashmina exclaimed. Cappy edged back and watched in horror as Pashmina ran off to beat the crap out of Hamtaro. 'Uh-oh…'

In the clubhouse, Hamtaro was trying to flirt with Bijou. "Hamtaro…listen. I need to tell you something. I-" Hamtaro put up a paw and replied, "Not another word, my love! I know you wanted to confess your love for me, but there is no need for I love you as well! So…pucker up!" Hamtaro bent over to kiss Bijou when a very scary scream pierced his thoughts. **"HAMTARO!" **Everyone in the clubhouse ran around screaming that it was the end of the world. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Boss cried. Hamtaro gulped and knew that he was a dead man.

The door in the front of the room was sent flying by some sort of explosion. A very angry Pashmina, complete with red spiky fur and a foaming mouth, entered the room. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Everyone watched in silence as the anger-crazed Pashmina chased Hamtaro in circles...


	4. The FLCLimax!

Bijou sighed as Hamtaro and Pashmina eventually ran out of energy and they both fell to the floor. When Hamtaro noticed Bijou walking towards him, he put out his arms to hug her. Instead, she walked over him and helped Pashmina up. Hamtaro rubbed his head and thought, 'DAMN IT!'

After brushing some dust of Pashmina, Bijou turned back towards Hamtaro with a furious look in her eye. "Look, Hamtaro. I know you think you're all that and shit, but you're just a-a-a-" "A what?" asked Hamtaro. Bijou sighed and replied, "I can't say it in a T-rated fic. Anyways, you should know better than to go and hurt the ones who care about you like it's nothing! You're a jackass!" Boss laughed and exclaimed, "THAT'S TRUE, I AM A JACKASS!" Everyone gave Boss a Why-Aren't-You-Dead-Yet look before Bijou continued talking.

"I also wanted to tell you that I think I might be bisexual…" Bijou finished. Hamtaro's mental state was at its end, but he mustered up enough energy to act like a jackass. "HA HA HA! SO NOW YOU'RE BOTH GAY FOOLS! HOO HOO!" cried Hamtaro with his hands on his hips. Suddenly, a bullet flew through Hamtaro's head and the little son of the devil fell over dead. Everyone looked to Penelope, who was holding a pistol in her little hands. "OKAY, WHO LET PENELOPE WATCH FOOLY COOLY?" Maxwell shouted.

Pashmina giggled and kissed Bijou on the nose. "I love you, Bijou…" she said. Bijou returned the kiss and replied, "I love you, too." Boss looked at Hamtaro's dead body, then Bijou and Pashmina as the gears in his little brain slowly turned. "I GOT IT!" Boss exclaimed, "LET'S HAVE A PARTY FOR THE NEW COUPLE!" Everyone agreed that they should have a party, despite that now two Ham-Hams are lesbians and the lead character is dead.

Two days later…

Hamtaro's dead carcass was buried near the junkyard. All the Ham-Hams thought that this is where such a bitch deserved to be buried. However, they didn't know about the strange acid that was absorbed into Hamtaro's grave. They also didn't know that the acid could revive people and turn them into evil mutated monsters. Suddenly, a huge claw shot out of the ground. "Bijou……….."

THE END……?


End file.
